The State of Hope
Reflection.
In this essay I talked
about of what California means to me. At the introduction part it went pretty
well at the beginning, but it was not clear while answering the focus question
which was, what is California mean to you?
On the first paragraph
I felt somewhat confident of what I was writing, the teacher commented on the
paragraph saying that I need to focus in the paragraph to unfold the thesis
carefully, and to connect hope with the last idea I had. “Being in California is
to have the weapons to succeed in whatever you want to do”. When I read it
again several times I understood what the teacher meant on focusing in this
paragraph, I think it was all over the place and not giving the reader a clear
idea of my point of view.
The following
paragraph is the same thing, not clear idea of what the focus question is and
the reader would not get the idea as well. Although I had a good example of a
friend of mine that succeed in California. I should have put it at the
beginning of my first paragraph and try to lead the reader to a great reading
sequel.
On my conclusion
paragraph I was laughing of what I wrote, at first I did not notice but the
teacher really pointed out “to keep dreaming means to being Californian?; so
Californian you are”. There is a sentence where I meant to say that California
is the best state to be, but I wrote California for me is the best place I have
ever been; meaning I am California. So embarrassing!!!!.
This was my first
essay in English 1B.
I need to practice
more my focus and the clearness on my essays so the readers would understand
what I have to say.
Overall, the teacher said
that the title of the essay was good! I feel good
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